5

July 28, 2011.  5 years since my mom died on July 28, 2006.  One of the first things I was told is that it takes 5 years to fully grieve.  "Five years?" I thought, not even comprehending at the time that my mom wouldn't be there tomorrow.  I hadn't even entered grief yet, I was still in shock.  But that allotted amount of time always stuck with me, for some reason. 


Five years, I would think randomly....then what?  Would the world magically become all poofy and fluffy and everything fine again?  Would I forget I even had a mom?  What was this arbitrary chunk of time?  The days, then months, and finally years tick-tocked away.  Life continued on.  And here I am at the five year mark already.  No, the world is not perfect, my mom isn't back.  And of course I haven't forgotten at all about my mom.  I can still feel her arms wrapped around my waist, hugging me from behind like she loved to do.  I still miss her every day, and wonder what she would think of me, what she'd have to say about my life, my plans. 


So many many many things have changed in 5 years, but the memories of her are so fresh.  At times it seems like so long ago that I got the call - startled awake by the cell phone ringing incessantly at 6 am.  Other times it's just yesterday that we were making plans for my birthday, that she was nagging me about getting a good job and going back to school.  The one thing that hasn't changed is her photo on my dresser.  She will never grow old to me, I will never see her with gray hair (more, she would add), more wrinkles, holding her grandkids, attending my wedding.  This is my reality now, a mom frozen in time.  It's not good or bad, it just is.  Maybe that's part of the 5-year thing, looking back and reflecting on life for a moment, accepting the situation as it is.  I still think it's a bit arbitrary, though.  Five years, 5 hours, my mom is still not with me in this world anymore.

Hey Jude

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad...

Take a sad song and make it better..."

Ah that Beatles song.  I remember singing at the top of my lungs with my sister and brother to this song, dedicating it our mom.  Just because the name of the song matched hers.   Usually in the car on road trips.  And when it got to the extended "nah nah nah, na-na nah nah..." that goes on for 17+ counts (yes, I counted once) we'd add a little extra loud belting it out.  She loved it....even if she didn't express her love for it at the time!

Nowadays that song always makes me pause when I hear it.  There are other songs that always bring me back to a time and place long forgotten.  It's funny, too, how I can remember the exact details of what I was doing - the car I was in, the road we were on, who I was with, when I hear some songs.  How strange how our memory works.  I suppose that's why I love music so much.  It's not just the sound of guitar and drums - or piano and bass guitar, or whatever instrument is involved in creating an amazing song.  It's the combination of a song + time and place.  Whether it's the lyrics of the song, or the activities associated with the song - there is something about music that produces a feeling of connection beyond that physical recording of the sound.

Have you ever been asked "If you had to lose your sight or your hearing, what would you choose?".  It's a hard one - and one I hope to never have to make!  But for me, I think I'd have to give up my sight before my hearing, for the simple fact of music.  Sound.

As I plan my wedding - flowers and dress and cake oh my!! - I keep returning to the music.  John of course is also very much into music, which I love.  In particular, the songs that will be involved in the actual ceremony are proving harder to choose than I thought!  Classical or contemporary?  Instrumental or with original lyrics?  Slow tempo or upbeat?  I've been on a musical journey the last couple of weeks, previewing all of my old favorites with a more critical ear - would this work to walk down the aisle to?  Is it too sad/obscure/fast?  It's been fun to go through my history of music - and the memories that pop up with certain songs.

Which brings me back to Hey Jude.  Ah, that song.  My mom.  I would love to incorporate it somehow, but I'm not sure if it's too sad, or too obvious.  I don't know....I wish I could call up my mom and say "Hey mom, what do you think....?"

Astoria: a mini-San Francisco?

Okay, I know it's a stretch - San Francisco and Astoria, OR in the same group!  But, think about it, both places are very hilly, covered with cute Victorian homes on the shores of the water (a bay or river) where bridges and water dominate the view.  Astoria usually has a few ships anchored just offshore, and an active (albeit small) port.  There's a tourist trolley that runs along the river's edge, complete with ringing bell and friendly conductor.  It has a long history of fires, and much of the downtown area was built on pilings.  The fishing industry is still present, but renovated canneries now host a lot more espresso shops, breweries, and museums.  Sounds more and more familiar, huh?  Okay, Astoria only has about 10,000 people, and is certainly not a thriving cultural center, but I can't help but think of San Francisco when I go on my morning run or meet friends downtown for coffee.  This article from the NY Times got me thinking, so there you have it - my waxing poetic about my current hometown!


http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/03/27/travel/27overnighter-astoria.html


http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2011/03/27/travel/0327ASTORIA.html

Lucky

Fort Stevens State Beach, Oregon Coast

Sometimes it's good to just sit back and get some perspective.  I got that tonight, as I was doing my monthly beached bird survey.  When I started doing these surveys I thought "once a month?  No problem!"  Well it turns out volunteering to do even one thing every month can be kinda hard for this girl.  If you haven't noticed, it's already Jan 31 - the last day of the first month of 2011!  - and I found myself rushing out of work at 4:30 pm to quickly do my beach survey before the sun set on January 2011.  At times like these I wonder why I volunteered at all.  I mean, the purpose is to monitor dead birds that wash ashore on local beaches, as a way to assess the overall health of the ocean and respond to catastrophic events like oil spills.  As a marine biologist, I get it.  Long-term datasets on what "normal" is - even in the dead bird world - is invaluable when something like the Horizon Deepwater Oil Spill happens.  Scientists can tell when an unusual stranding event is happening and react.  But when I'm rushing out at sunset, with plenty of other stuff to do, it just feels like more work.


That is, until I get to the beach.  Then I'm reminded of how lucky I really am.  As I prepare to get married and move (hopefully) in with John - probably in Seattle - I know that my time on the Oregon Coast - at least as my current permanent residence is concerned - is limited.  The beach at Fort Stevens State Beach is long, flat, and wide.  Sand stretches north and south out into the hazy distance, with the wild ocean waves crashing all along the shore.  Tillamook Head peeks out through the low-lying clouds, miles away, and the mouth of Columbia River looms to the north, marked by the long jetty with saltwater spray bouncing off the tops of waves.  I'm usually one of only a handful of people out on the beach - sometimes I'm literally the only person - and essentially have the big wide beach all to myself.  Luckily the shipwreck of the Peter Iredale serves as a good reference point on this long beach.  I can't imagine there are many places left like this in the world.  As I walk the beach, scanning for carcasses (and glass balls), I get lost in my thoughts.  The wind and waves are the soundtrack as I reset my mind and perspective.  I gaze out to sea - sometimes there are crab boats on the horizon, sometimes pelicans soaring above the waves.  Sometimes the wind is pelting rain into my face so hard it hurts, sometimes the sun is so bright it blinds.  But every time I'm on the beach, I feel lucky.  To have this place within 20 minutes of my house, to be able to witness Mother Nature at her finest, at the place where the ocean meets land, I am happy.  The sand I track back into my car, and the wet rain gear and soggy datasheets are all byproducts of the lucky life I have. 

Moms

I just saw a photo of Emma Claire - Elizabeth Edwards' daughter - online while trying to figure out why (why why why?) anyone would want to picket her funeral.  I didn't get too far, as the photo of John Edwards comforting Emma Claire brought tears to my eyes.  It made the passing of Elizabeth Edwards real to me. 

I can't say that I know exactly what Emma Claire is feeling, but I know how I felt when my mom died.  It's so complicated, all of the emotions coming and going as quickly as they arrive.  It's painful - really truly horribly cramping and crippling, all-encompassing...  I remember chewing a chip - one small potato chip - and thinking "I can't taste this, why is it in my mouth?" and wanting to spit it out but someone was talking to me so I forced it down.  I didn't eat again for a day and a half.  I laughed and cried and laughed while crying.  It was lonely, scary.  And there were so many plans, too.  More than once we accidentally called the funeral a wedding.  It seemed the same - flowers, announcements...

One day - one day - I am going to write a book about this.  It's my goal in life.  I took so many notes, wrote so much in my journal during this time.  Everyone said "It takes 5 years to get through all of the stages of grief".  I thought - 5 years??!?  - that's crazy.  But my oh my - it's been 4 1/2 years since my mom died, and now I see.  I guess that's why I feel for Emma Claire.  My mom's death is in the past now, and not nearly as painful, but just under the surface the tears are still there, ready to well up at any time. 

WATER: Blog Action Day 2010

   

Water, water everywhere...but where do I even begin?   This topic - WATER - is so close to me.  I'm a marine biologist, after all!  But, more importantly, issues like access to clean, fresh drinking water, water pollution, and ocean conservation are all very important to me - and, in my mind, intimately tied together.  Imagine a world where you couldn't trust the water coming out of your tap.  OH WAIT, that's the world we live in!!  How did we get here, and can it change?  I see positive changes all the time, including more awareness of reducing bottled water use --- and putting more pressure on our local governments to guarantee our water resources are safe.  Our disregard for the environment - and the interconnections of humans to our world - is changing.  We are much more aware of toxic pollutants in the water, in our bodies, causing cancer.  And here are some more facts:

The problem of scarce clean water:

Nearly 1 billion people lack access to clean water, which causes a litany of struggles, diseases and even death.

• 40 Billion Hours: African women walk over 40 billion hours each year carrying cisterns weighing up to 18 kilograms to gather water, which is usually still not safe to drink. More Info »
• 38,000 Children a Week: Every week, nearly 38,000 children under the age of 5 die from unsafe drinking water and unhygienic living conditions. More Info »
• Wars Over Water: Many scholars attribute the conflict in Darfur at least in part to lack of access to water. A report commissioned by the UN found that in the 21st century, water scarcity will become one of the leading causes of conflict in Africa. More Info »
• A Human Right: In July, to address the water crisis, the United Nations declared access to clean water and sanitation a human right over. But we are far from implementing solutions to secure basic access to safe drinking water. More Info »

Water over-consumption in industrialized countries:

While the developing world faces a water crisis, those in industrialized countries consume far more than their fair share.

• Food Footprint: It takes 24 liters of water to produce one hamburger. That means it would take over 19.9 billion liters of water to make just one hamburger for every person in Europe. More Info »
• Technology Footprint: The shiny new iPhone in your pocket requires half a liter of water to charge. That may not seem like much, but with over 80 million active iPhones in the world, that's 40 million liters to charge those alone. More Info »
• Fashion Footprint: That cotton t-shirt you're wearing right now took 1,514 liters of water to produce, and your jeans required an extra 6,813 liters. More Info »
• Bottled Water Footprint: The US, Mexico and China lead the world in bottled water consumption, with people in the US drinking an average of 200 bottles of water per person each year. Over 17 million barrels of oil are needed to manufacture those water bottles, 86 percent of which will never be recycled. More Info »

Water and the environment:

The disregard for water resources in industrialized countries impacts more than humans – it causes environmental devastation.

• Waste Overflow: Every day, 2 million tons of human waste are disposed of in water sources. This not only negatively impacts the environment but also harms the health of surrounding communities. More Info »
• Polluted Oceans: Death and disease caused by polluted coastal waters costs the global economy $12.8 billion a year. More Info »
• Uninhabitable Rivers: Today, 40% of America's rivers and 46% of America's lakes are too polluted for fishing, swimming, or aquatic life. More Info »

Water solutions:

The good news is that there are great organizations working on solutions and new tools that empower people to do their part to address the water crisis.

• Building Wells: Organizations like Water.org and charity: water are leading the charge in bringing fresh water to communities in the developing world.
• Technology for Good: Do you want to measure how much water it took to make your favorite foods? There's an app for that. More Info »
• Conservation Starts at Home: The average person uses 465 liters of water per day. Find out how much you use and challenge your readers to do that same. More Info »
• Keeping Rivers Clean: We can all take small steps to help keep pollution out of our rivers and streams, like correctly disposing of household wastes. More Info »
• Drop the Bottle: Communities around the world are taking steps to reduce water bottle waste by eliminating bottled water.More Info »

Blog Action Day: WATER

Change.org|Start Petition

Something to always keep in mind

Top 5 regrets of the Dying

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer, singer/songwriter, songwriting teacher and speaker from Australia. She has lived nomadically for most of her adult life. Bronnie shares her inspiring observations and the insights gained along the way through the diversity of her work.

iTunes Mix for Katie

I just had to...

There are a select group of my friends out there (you know who you are!!) that, upon receiving the information that I would be relocating to Astoria, OR for the new chapter of my life, immediately responded with "That's where The Goonies was filmed"!!

As it turns out, that is indeed correct. And I have whole-heartedly embraced this fact. Well, I should clarify. I am not a fanatic, but I have taken advantage of this fact. I own a DVD copy of The Goonies that most visitors have been forced to watch when they arrive here. I have driven by The Goonies house (no, I didn't take a pic), and I live by the County Jail featured in the opening scene and appreciate this every time I go by.

However, the ultimate "I live in the town where The Goonies was filmed" experience happened last weekend - it was the 25th Anniversary of The Goonies!!! The town was overtaken by fanatics (this is where I separate myself as a mere fan that happens to live in Astoria) from all over the world - literally! Corey Feldman (Mouth), Sean Astin (Mikey), Jeff Cohen (Chunk) and other actors were here for sold-out autograph signings, bus tours all weekend of places where the film was shot, constant showings of The Goonies in all the theatres... It was so fun!

The Goonies is one of those movies that is timeless. The premise - the kids go on a quest to find One-Eyed Willie's long lost treasure to save Mikey's house from wealthy developers - is perfect for this day and age. The comraderie and friendship, the genuine care for others (even Sloth), the adventurous spirit...all of that represents The Goonies. Even all of the fans flocking to Astoria were happy-go-lucky, open and fun, non-judgemental people -- united by The Goonies - 25 years later.

Some of the news stories:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/06/AR2010060603590.html

http://kotaku.com/5557778/twenty+five-years-later-goonies-still-never-say-die

http://www.people.com/people/news/category/0,,MediaProductsTax:MovieTheGoonies,00.html

Cleaning out the cobwebs...

"Blame it on the rain..."

Milli Vanilli's pop song lyrics are fitting, but the melody is a little too...well, poppy! Anyhow, these last couple of days I've been really getting some cobwebs out - physically, emotionally, and mentally. Maybe it's the rain (and wind, hail, sleet...) - is it spring or winter again? I don't know if it is the actual weather, the season, my mental state or what, but I've been motivated to get spring cleaning underway. Literally, I sucked up so many cobwebs and sowbugs (these little pests are a major issue in my basement!) the last couple of days. It feels great. I've also been cleaning out junk - old clothes that I will never fit into again, old clothes that will never fit in again, posters I'll never hang up again, knick knacks that I can't remember their importance... Simplify, simplify, simplify. It's very cleansing, physically and mentally. I fully understand spring cleaning now! Mentally, my mind has been doing flip flops. I really enjoy where I am at with my career and location - the Oregon coast is beautiful! I love being so close to the ocean, my biggest environmental love. The storms, the waves, the sand. All of it. But my boyfriend and family aren't here, nor are the majority of my friends. Don't worry, I have found some friends here, but it's different now that I am drawn to seeing John every weekend - a single gal out on the town I am not anymore. Not that I regret this at all! But it does make it more difficult to meet people when I'm a homebody or in transit to Seattle. I want to thoroughly enjoy this area and part of my life. However, I also find myself jumping ahead to the next step - whatever that may be - going to UW for a PhD? Moving to Corvallis for school instead? Staying here and having John have to sacrifice his job to be with me? Moving to Seattle anyways without a job or school so I can be with John? I just don't know, and even though I am definitely a girl up for an adventure at most any time, sometimes I do like to know what the future may hold. I know, I just need to relax, but it just gets hard sometimes. Thus, the cleaning. Secretly I think that by cleaning things out, I am sort of beginning to prepare for a move...Let's see what happens...

Good news...?

Well, I stumbled upon a new-to-me website this week that I am intrigued (and happy) about:

www.breastcancerfund.org

I am not sure how long this group has been in existence, but they echo exactly what I have been thinking and feeling about breast cancer for awhile. It's time to (in their words) "help us expose and eliminate the environmental causes of breast cancer. Together we can stop this disease before it starts". FINALLY!!!! I am so happy to have found them...and look forward to reading more about their work.

Also, just today I heard about this report from the Presidents Cancer Panel: "Reducing Environmental Cancer Risk - What We Can Do Now" that focuses - for the first time ever - on environmental risk and cancer. Here's some findings:

Americans are being "bombarded" with chemicals, gases and radiation that can cause cancer, and the federal government must do far more to protect them, presidential cancer advisers said on Thursday.

Although as many as two-thirds of cancer cases are caused by lifestyle choices like smoking, poor diet and lack of exercise, the panel said many avoidable cancers were also caused by pollution, radon from the soil and medical imaging scans.

Since so little is known about the possible risks of cell phones, people would be prudent to wear headsets and make calls quickly, the two members of the panel advised.

"The panel was particularly concerned to find that the true burden of environmentally induced cancer has been grossly underestimated," they wrote in the report, available at pcp.cancer.gov.

..."With nearly 80,000 chemicals on the market in the United States, many of which are used by millions of Americans in their daily lives and are un- or understudied and largely unregulated, exposure to potential environmental carcinogens is widespread," it adds.

"The American people -- even before they are born -- are bombarded continually with myriad combinations of these dangerous exposures," Kripke and Leffall wrote in a letter to President Barack Obama at top of the report.

"The panel urges you most strongly to use the power of your office to remove the carcinogens and other toxins from our food, water, and air that needlessly increase healthcare costs, cripple our nation's productivity, and devastate American lives."

Let's hope we see some concrete positive changes soon...

Wednesday Wrap-Up

Well, all I can say is that I'm trying really hard to keep up my blog. I'm trying...that's worth something, right??! I don't know if it's my inability to do anything productive when I get home from work lately, my boring life that doesn't require updating the blog, or me being too "busy" but I'm working on it! Enough already, here's the latest installment - in keeping with the list thing (ala Bridget Jones' Diary sans the dating drama)

1) I'm officially in my 30's. I subscribe to Sunset magazine - which I love but it always makes me wish I had more money and time to do all the fun things they suggest - renovate the kitchen! grow your own veggies! get away this weekend! Oh well...one day when I'm retired...

2) Oh yeah, and I'm really in my 30's when I tell you this one: I bought a new vacuum yesterday and I LOVE it (see previous post)! I told John that I didn't know how much I could love one appliance. He's scared. I bought it from this cute little crippled man that runs the only vacuum store here in Astoria, I surprised him by buying it right then and there (I did come prepared to purchase). The Panasonic MC-UG471 is my new love. It sucks up everything - even in the corners - effortlessly! It has all the HEPA filters, and as Jim the vacuum guy said "metal parts where metal should be". Yay for things that are well-built and will last (and not made in China!). I think I might go re-vacuum...

3) I'm finally working on my scrapbook of travels through Europe in 2006. 4 years later ain't too bad is it? It's actually kinda fun to go through all the photos and stories and remember how great it was...although there are some photos and receipts, tickets, etc that I cannot for the life of me remember what they were from!

4) I was down in Santa Cruz, CA all last week attending meetings on salmon ocean ecology. Kinda ironic since I'm most definitely not a salmon-person. But I'm learning! I was there with my supervisor representing the birds-as-salmon-predators group. It's actually a fun group and I met a lot of great people (and got to see my old stomping grounds at the same time). Even jumped in the water for some very beginner-style surfing...

5) Speaking of surfing...and being in my 30's...I've noticed more creaks, pains, and aches nowadays. And I'm so bummed because my usual solution - Yoga Power Hour with Ute - is getting cancelled! I'm actually at the point in my yoga career where I kinda need it now. I'm not sure what to do, I better consult Ute (a German yogi - yes, German accent and strict demeanor combined with relaxation...makes for fun classes! Power Hour = "Powa Ouwa)

6) Last weekend, Poor John. Well, he should've known. We rented "The Cove" - the movie about the dolphin slaughter in Japan. A must see - by the way! I was reluctant to see it because I wasn't sure if this was a cultural thing, in which case I may not be opposed to it. However, it's pretty clear that this is not the case. Pretty alarming actually, especially the information about mercury contamination in all seafood. Jill has called me twice after she watched it to discuss! I'm very glad the message is reaching beyond marine scientists like me. Anyhoo, we watched The Cove which got me all fired up, then caught a matinee of Avatar on Sunday. This one I also wasn't really into seeing, but John was so off we went. And OMG - I loved it! I see why it's so hugely popular. I especially loved the depiction of the natural world and the serious environmental undertones and non-violent messages. Pretty cool. But poor John, because when I get fired up about an issue - especially the environment and the oceans - there's no stopping me! I'm glad he's patient and a good listener :)

Ten Things Tuesday...ish

I know, I've been so neglectful of my favorite blog. And the thing is, I really like my blog! I guess I have just been busy...or something. But now is not the time for excuses! It's a new year, and I'm starting anew. I am starting Ten Things Tuesday (sorta) - the idea was stolen from my friend's blog. But since it's Wednesday, I'm calling it The Wednesday Weekly. For now. I'll get more creative soon. Anyhoo, I will attempt to update my blog at least once a week with some interesting tidbits about what I've been up to, my random thoughts and what-nots. Here goes!

1) Spring has sprung! Well, we have had quite the cold snap this week (I went on an early morning walk on Tuesday and found wet snow falling on me - it melted before it hit the ground) but in general the flowers are out, the sun is coming up earlier... Speaking of early morning - I can actually go out in the morning at 6:30 and see! Yay for longer days.

2) I stumbled upon this woman's website: 10 in 10 Diet the other day. Not that I'm on a diet, but her story intrigued me. She is saving a lot of money and eating simply, which thankyouverymuch I would like to do, too! Mostly it includes meals that can be made big and have lots of leftovers - easy peasy veggies, soups etc. So far, I'm really into it!

3) I went out on a limb last weekend and bought a pair of sandals that I never would have looked at twice. But my sister and I were at my cousin's shoe store - Mi Shoes - and most of the shoes she had weren't in my size. So I decided to try on some sandals and surprised myself with this pair:

Nicole "Peace" in Power

They're definitely funky! A little hippie, which I love. I'm a little concerned about the fat ankle factor, but I don't care. I'm committed. When John saw them he started hisssing - okay, there is a fake snakeskin look to them. But I'm kinda digging them and excited for summer.

4) My cutest niece - Frankie - has taken to naming all of her toys. There's "Chooch" - the train, "Slippery" the snake, "Chili" the penguin, "Slimey" the alligator, and "Neigh-na" the horse (almost named TrotTrot but switched at the last minute). How cute (and creative) is she?

5) As I was gleefully vacuuming tonight, I actually thought "This vacuum has lasted me so long, it's great!" It was so cheap when I got it, and really designed for a small studio not my massive house, but it kept on ticking. Well, until about a minute after my fateful thought. It made a horrible gagging noise and the motor slowly died...letting off a burnt rubber smell. Hmmm. Now I need a new vacuum - or perhaps a repair. But since this one cost about $89 I have a feeling a new one is in order. Probably a little sturdier model...any suggestions?

"Selfish" Giving...is there such a thing?

So today on NPR there was a thought-provoking story titled:

'Selfish' Giving: Does It Count If You Get In Return?

(Click link to read story)...

This story caught my attention because I've grappled with the same notion. When is "giving" - gifts, money, time - truly altruistic. Is it ever? Or is it always? The story deals mostly with giving money for a cause - donations in the name of a company, person, etc. But they touch on volunteering as well. I guess maybe since I'm currently looking at my devastated budget and wrapping Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew that this hits home (the money one at least!)

In my humble opinion, the act of "giving" - even if it is for selfish reasons - is still good (and counts). Maybe it's because I was raised Catholic and went to Jesuit schools, where community service was important. I clearly remember spending one Christmas Day morning during high school at a soup kitchen in Tacoma, ladling out food and laughs to all the people who showed up. Did I choose to be there? Not really. I was kinda forced to go because of my mom, and kinda guilted into it by my peers. But I feel like the benefits of that experience - I still remember it 15 years on! - outnumber any selfish reasons that may have motivated me back then. The life lesson that everyone - even a homeless, alcoholic, down on their luck, person - has a story to tell. They weren't born that way. They may have never lived the life I had growing up, but they certainly deserve respect and support just like anyone else.

But there are some interesting points in the NPR story. Take for example all the "Pink Ribbon Crap" as I like to call it. You know, buy a product with a pink ribbon and support the fight against breast cancer. This one (of all the colored ribbon fundraisers) in particular hits home since my mom fought breast cancer for 17 years before dying due to complications from treatment (that's a whole other story!). One of the most egregious examples I've seen was pink cream cheese - in a pink plastic container. Really?! I appreciate the notion of supporting a cause, even if it's pennies on the dollar that probably goes to overhead to run a non-profit, rather than actual research. I know, I sound a little angry. I'm not, but it does irk me that an issue that is so personal, but yet affects so many families, has turned into a pink parade. What happened to a focus on prevention of cancer? Studying links between pollution, diet, lifestyle? And what about when links are made (chemicals) - what's happening to change our ways? I don't like the focus being completely on the fight and the cure. It's such an aggressive word. I guess it's easier than focusing on the "why" of how we got to this point. Which brings me back to buying stuff that supports this cause. It's easy to buy the pink tote, hat, pin. But I purposely choose not to. I'd rather see my money go more directly to the group that I want to support.

That said, I see where large corporations can get into a little trouble. By making it clear they support a certain cause, donate a little money, etc. they clearly are using marketing to attract certain customers. Is this bad? I guess it depends again on the intent. But even if the intent is to sell more stuff, doesn't some group somewhere benefit? All I'm saying is that the smallest actions - volunteering your time, buying a pink tote, donating to a cause - creates a tiny little change in your thinking - even within the biggest companies. You chose to do something, support a certain cause, help someone out, and therefore your actions reflect something you care about - no matter who else takes notice. And that can be called selfish, I suppose. But I think it's more accurate to call it being an engaged, thoughtful person.

Cosmic Panther Land Band...

Blog Action Day 2009: Climate Change

Blog Action Day 2009

I found out about this event through a couple of environmental groups I am a member of. Today is a day of global activism, virtually! Should I say e-activism? Essentially the idea is that today, Oct. 15, 2009, bloggers around the world, from all walks of life and with completely different topics and passions, will all blog about the exact same thing. This year's topic is particularly appealing to me, both as a marine biologist who's job is impacted by climate change, and as an engaged global citizen. So, while I'm being an e-activist, I thought I'd add my two cents to the topic of climate change.

First off, there's debate as to the term "Climate Change". Some argue that this phrase is a watered down version of "Global Warming", which was replaced by those who are still not on the bandwagon (there's still people out there?!?). Some people want to use the word "Global Warming" instead, as it tends to pique people's interests and fear of impending doom more than the more PG-rated "Climate Change". As for me, well, I prefer climate change. I suppose that's because I'm a scientist, and therefore trained to thoroughly consider hypotheses and theories, conduct rigorous analysis, and when I make a conclusion, continue to maintain a level-head. No running around waving my hands and screaming "the world is ending, everyone run!!!". Plus, that's just not my personality anyways. Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty much on the mellow yellow side of life.

But seriously - global warming, climate change, whatever you want to call it - it's a reality we all need to own up to. I don't need to give any examples, as we are all aware of major catastrophes like Hurricane Katrina. For me, it's just weird to sit back and look around and know that I am living during a time of major change in the world. When my parents were born there were millions and millions (dare I say billions?) fewer people living on Mother Earth. The worries of their daily lives were so simple, looking back. I often wish I could go back to when I was a kid, when I could only watch TV for 1 hour on Sunday night (The Muppets). I read a lot of books, was curious about the natural world in my neighborhood (ants, trees, slugs) and that Jacques Cousteau talked of. A time when I wrote with a pen in my diary that had a little lock on it (protect it from my sister's eyes). I played outside and talked a lot to my sister, brother, and parents. I mean, talked in person, on the couch, at the table, at the beach, in the yard. There was no internet, Xbox360, iPhone, DVD's, Prius...

I know I am over-simplifying things, but sometimes it just seems that as I've gotten older life has gotten more and more hectic. There are more distractions, more work, more worries, just more. Some of this "more" is the cause of climate change. More development, more driving, more production of stuff, more people, more packaging...I am not telling anyone what to do, but I'm personally trying to focus on "less". Less stuff, less waste, less buying, less money...so then I can focus on the important "mores" - family time, reading, relaxing...I think that if everyone just stopped once and thought about "less" we'd all be a little more...

Do you blog? Get involved! (and check back here on October 15...)

Get involved!

C'mon C'mon!

Fresh from the garden

Okay, I know it's not much compared to some people I know (http://tahomafarms.blogspot.com/) that are actually organic farmers by trade...but still!

Earlier this spring I set about with an idea to try growing something of my own. I wouldn't say I'm a master of the indoor house plant realm, but I was ready to step outside and try growing something I could, well, eat! And that needed a little more work than most of my indoor potted plants. So, I cleared out my backyard area (which, conveniently, had a raised bed-like area already built in). It's much simpler said than done (ask my dad!). I bought some seed packets - sticking to those "beginner" types of garden plants including lettuce, cherry tomatoes, basil and sunflowers. I was also partly motivated by a side-project I found about using sunflowers to monitor bee populations (which are in severe decline around the U.S.). I did some online research, not much, but enough to get me going. And off I went! Planted some lettuce seeds, some basil, tomatoes...And waited...and waited...and watered...and waited...(thoughts of caprese salad danced in my head...)

Finally, some teeny tiny seedlings sprouted (rejoicing!), at which point I was ready to consider my endeavor a success! But I kept with it, nurturing the seedlings along, trimming back the first leaves (as instructed), thinnning out, moving to larger pots, etc. etc. Amazingly, the plants kept growing! And growing they did. Some with greater success than others, to be sure. The 10+ sunflowers I planted resulted in exactly 4 plants, none of which have actually bloomed yet (and the tallest topping out just below my 2-year old niece's shoulders - small!). But the tomatoes, oh the tomatoes! If I had higher ceilings in my greenhouse/mudroom, they'd keep going! 6+ feet and going crazy! And finally, finally, there are actual small little green tomatoes on some of the vines! Could it be? I actually grew something from seed to plant? And the lettuce - one seed of about 50 actually sprouted and made it to salad-sized pieces - not too great, but hey, free food? I'll take it any day! I might even have some caprese salad by October!